Hench

1. Hench - Another word to describe someone as big, strong or muscular.

Source - Urban dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hench

All of our heroes are famous sports people, why are yours all writers and poets?

Merry Christmas & a foxy New Year

We, The Lads, wish you all an extraordinary Christmas.

And as a special treat here's a famous Christmas ghoul with foul tidings for all mankind.

http://www.grimesandjones.co.uk/drawings/xmastits/

Blue for you

www.grimesandjones.co.uk

What's the point of dancing?

A sweaty encounter

200 grams of Sweat, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick and spray paint on canvas

101 cm X 152 cm

A triumph of fat legs & sweaty backs.

The smell of lynx and BO haunts the air and the 'enlightened' Physical Education teacher stalks the changing room.

This is no place for fear or man boobs.

Man up.

We are going to win!

1-0 Grimes & Jones.

Stinks o' fish

One fish, 6 artists, loads of bite marks.

Working with the Monk's Gallery as part of the 6 Degrees series of shows, Grimes & Jones curatorial debut 'The Fish that bit Dad' exploded onto the Northern art scene in a blaze of wax, guts and glory.

The show features the work of 6 artists from around the globe, all individual masters of their medium -

Summer Wheat, Paul Kindersley, Joana Cifre Cerda, Stephanie Homa, Grimes & Jones and an unnamed Slovenian.

If you missed the opening night DO NOT FEAR - the work will remain in the gallery for a whole month should you wish to see it; you can arrange a

private view or personal tour by either contacting ourselves or the Monks Gallery team.

Or if you’re not even arsed like,

Look, judge, now - here, stupid:

Red,

Joana Cifre Cerda

Raw Juice,

Unnamed Slovenian Artist

Bone Breaker (Detail from),

Summer Wheat

ALBERT,

Paul Kindersley

God's Fridge,

Grimes & Jones

Animal Instinct,

Stephanie Homa

For more pictures of this haunting experience click here.

Scottish Dogs

Mudskippers happened in the GARAGE.

We came, we saw, we investigated the similarities between duck and chicken.
Mudskippers, our micro-residency at the GARAGE event (part of the Edinburgh art festival) was comprised of 8 installations, one of which was added every hour until the site was filled with joyful works of art.

Here are a few highlights - thanks to Emma Bowen for organizing the event and all who attended. (except that one 'boring' man.)

The like duck chicken

The Gallows

Curriculum Vitae

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival

The truth about Aliens

Happy Birthday

How to draw a Fart.

Mudskippers

The mudskipper, Japans grossest mascot since sex pissing and kareoke.

Literally a fish out of water, the mudskipper is a creature who relishes its own ugliness, the ugliness of life, and surrounds itself in slime.

A lazy lurking hero of its own habitat - born to serve no positive purpose what so ever it lives off filth and plankton and does a great deal to amuse with its vacant face and spastic posture.

The Mudskipper is a real animal kingdom equivalent of Grimes & Jones - and everything their art stands for.

'Mudskippers' will be a series of hourly changing art installations presented by two Yorkshire lumps as part of the GARAGE project at The Edinburgh Art Festival 2011.

Come down and catch us at our bad behaviour -

Saturday 27th - Sunday 28th August,

12 - 4pm.

Northumberland Street, Northwest lane,

Edinburgh,

EH3 6JQ

The art menu will be presented as follows:

Saturday

12:00 - 13:00 : The Gallows

13:00 - 14:00 : The Edinburgh Fringe Festival

14:00 - 15:00 : The like duck chicken

15:00 - 16:00 : Curriculum Vitae

Sunday

12:00 - 13:00 : The truth about Aliens

13:00 - 14:00 : The Apprentice

14:00 - 15:00 : How to draw a fart

15:00 - 16:00 : Happy Birthday

PRINCE CHARMRAVEN

Bonjour,

Have you heard the lastest news? No? Not even by word of mouth?

Hmmmm.

OK.

Well I'll tell you then. Grimes & Jones (artists) won the Adam Ant (current-celeb) Tanquery Gin Award at the second annual Bad Art Salon.

The prize winning pieces were the gorgeous portrait suite, and the dramatic, smouldering inferno of birds, Swan Lake.



Ant, a known person said, 'I'll give them their due, they have done fabulous things in this earthly hemisphere'.

Thank you Adam and thank you to everyone who helped organize the event.

We will now drink the gin. Cheers.

Papparazzi

One big room, full of bad bitches.

In order to help the public get inside the crusty minds of the artists featured in Septembers art sensation 'The Fish that bit Dad' a survey was done.

Each artist answered with integrity, and pursed lips:

What does the Fish that bit Dad mean to you? (were you there when it happened?)

Paul Kindersley : My dad almost got eaten by a shark- and i would never have been conceived- so thanks to that fish for not biting (too hard).

How were you raised? (Tell us your background)

Stephanie Homa : by communists..actually socialists, but english people see that as one and the same thing.

What is the message of your art?

Joana Cifre Cerda : Be true to yourself- follow your intuition- Do what you want and not what is expected of you.

Poland or Austria?

Stephanie Homa : I neither like my car being stolen nor do I prefer it to get locked away in some weirdos basement.

Are you any good at dinner? (which one?)

Grimes & Jones : We once made the lamb of jelly but in an unfortunate coincidence everyone had lost their appetite.

Favourite artist ever?

Grimes & Jones : Cher Lloyd.

Have you ever been in a fight?

Unnamed Slovenian artist :

yes
sunday afternoon
sitting on bench rest and i ve got nothing to do
couple slips by
guy steps to me and pounches me in a face
fell of the bench rest
got up and run
guy starts runing after me
while running iam looked back where he might be
i see his girlfriend waiting for him at the same time go hit in a face
fell on the street
got some more footy cicks
he ended
no shit - i said to myself (pussy fight).

Do you have any pets?

Unnamed Slovenian artist : two fishes, two ants.

Pet hates?

Unnamed Slovenian artist : I hate dogs - that is my joke.

What role does imagination play in your art?

Summer Wheat : It was cast as the leading role.

Are you any good at thinking of stuff?

Grimes & Jones : I once thought about a snake biting someone at work. But i didnt tell anyone incase i got caught.

Tits or Arse?

Unnamed Slovenian artist : Phat ass & small tits mmm.

Who is your hero (art or otherwise)?

Summer Wheat : Elvis.

Can you smell gas?

Summer Wheat: Yes, most of the time i do smell this kind of thing.

When was the last time you got told off?

Joana Cifre Cerda : I always get told off at Art exhibitions for touching stuff.

Leff or Right?

Paul Kindersley : Leff hand type/ right hand wank.

The show opens at the Monks Gallery, Lincoln.

Thurs 1st Sept

The Self (I vs him)

Highly political, Grimes and Jones deal with themes of identity and estrangement ….. STOP you’re boring me.

Look at these pictures of us.

Yes!

Credit to beloved and respected photographer Bohdan Cap and his camera of lights.

Cartoon - Silver Cloud

Did you hear the one about the cartoon and the nice tits?

No?

Well there's still time.

'Cartoon', a new group exhibition curated by Josh Knowles and Joe Duggan, featuring none other than Grimes & Jones (and other equally important artists) opened last week and runs until the end of July.

Get out of the bath, quick, and get yourself down to:

Silver Cloud Gallery
46 New Broad St, EC2M 1JH

Open Mon - Sat 13:00 - 18:00

See our emporium of toss; an action painting we did on the opening night titled 'It's easy to get confused.'

Because it is.

Indulge yourself on some of the photographs and appauling behaviour from the opening night:

Jones with Paul Kindersley (of London fame) and his 'Alberts'.

Reflect on your life. Then try to forget about it.

Life has dealt some people a shit hand.
And dont them people half go on about it?

Look into the mirror; think hateful thoughts, smile, brush your teeth and go and join the rest of the slugs in the sun.

Hate Mirror, 2011
Acrylic, oilstick, collage and candlewax on bathroom mirror.

Life without Dad

Dad, 2011.

Ties, condom, sperm, HP sauce on wall mounted coat rack.

We now kindly invite you to meet our 'Dad'.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Empty pint glasses.

Overtime.

Weddings.
Funeral(s).
She's leaving home.

HP Sauce.

"Man up, perform."

Was this what you wanted as a boy?

Lickn

Two soft lads, One pink mag.

Art Licks (a new conciousness) - http://www.artlicks.com/ is an art magazine written by art-writers, for onion-minds.

Subsequently, we bought one. (two)

And luckily we featured in it (see page 37, paragraph 'dad').

Read all about it if you're bored/stuck on the train with your fat Mum.

Horny Paul KINDERSLEY wrote it, and he curated the show.

Lub

G & J.x

(More bath pics here)

Postal bloat

Hello,

This week we have been to Sheffield to show them our art-knickers.

First we visited 'Site Gallery'. The less said about that the better.
Secondly we saw the wonderful Líšeň Profile by Kateřina Šedá, at the Millenium Galleries. More about this place full of faces can be seen at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCcvgC5miPw

We then decided to better Kateřina's work by creating our own on the free postcards provided. (Look at the pics below you idiot).

Insects

Just like most insects, we are at our most dangerous and horniest when the sun is out.

We have been away spending our dismal sabbaths creating a plethora of new paintings that mainly follow the theme of literature (or the written word/turd).

These are our meager offerings:

The Directory of Possibilities, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick, felt tip pen, spray paint and glitter on canvas

Just as our art heroes immortalised their favourite books into paintings, such as Basquiat with 'Greys Anatomy' - we have decided it is time to celebrate our favourite literature - one that is understated in any intellects library.

'The Directory of Possibilities' by John Grant and Colin Wilson highlights everything in the world that isn't quite fact, but is possible. Filled with nonsense thoughts about fish-men and time travel it is the imaginings and logic of an infantile mind trapped within a university lecturate shell. Just like our painting it is limitless idiocy dangling its meat between silly and science.

The Critic, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick, spray paint and house paint on found wood

This tryptic of paintings is nastily rendered onto three found pieces of wood that were hinged together to form a rather intimidating crowd of painted figures.

Each one carries a message to its viewer, an attack on the weak or an amused fact to the accepting.

It is all about criticism, and the bizzare living made by Critics; a person who'se job it is to judge how good someone else is at theirs. We aren't against such negativity, it is a joy we too share. Now face the music, and don't bother dancing - you're too fat (or ugly).

Panic attack at the wheel, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick, spray paint and felt tip pen on canvas

We decided to paint ‘Panic Attack at the Wheel’ after reading an essay on Cy Twombly’s work ‘Pan’.

His work relates to the feeling of anxiety of being dwarfed and placed at risk by nature, and it is explained how the word panic takes its name from Pan, the Greek God of hunting, mountains and companion of the nymphs.

Our painting, like many of our works seeks to closely relate themes we have enjoyed in others’ work to our own situation; to place the romantic and literary inside of the grimy, frustrated realities of most people.

Here we have taken the acute anxiety of walking alone in the forest and applied it to driving in morning traffic, the panic of being late, the panic of sleepless nights. All the fears that neither Cy Twombly, nor the fictional figure at the heart of our investigation have had to endure for quite some time.

Flossed in Translation, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick and pen on wooden panel,

A poignant and sardonic outlook on life, and its meaningless depicted through the nature of teeth.

The only exposed bone on the human body, we spend our lives maintaining them, making them as visually pleasing as possible. Regardless, they gradually waste away and become stained and decayed. When we die, they stay behind - a sad reminder of how hard we worked to stay immortal, and the truth is we needn't have bothered. Keep working hard for what you have right now (smile), because when you pass away, it will become as worthless and useless as your teeth.

Dr Sax, 2011

Acrylic, oilstick and spray paint on cardboard

A portrait of Jack Kerouac's imagined ghoul 'Dr Sax', the 'tall, thin, hawk-nosed, caped, whitegloved, glint eyed, sardonic' hero of Kerouac's stories of his youthful imagination.

We like Dr Sax because he lurks in the shadows and casts scorning looks, much like us.

Multicolour Swapshop

As all round art enthusiasts we have been clutching to the other artists and admirers we have met so far on our journey into the dark.

Clutching so hard in fact that we have been doing art-swapping. Its a bit like sex-swapping but without the bad smells and sticky awkwardness.

The first artist to feature into the 'Grimes & Jones Collection' is M'laden Stropnik, Slovenia's most intimidating export since Eurovision 2009.

Find his Juice musings here:

http://www.solaprosticas.com/stropnikstran/m%20objects.html

You can see the raw meat M'laden sent us at the top. Pretty yah?

Desire and Repulsion

As figureheads of both desire (Grimes) and repulsion (Jones) we have been featured in an aptly named show at The Art Corner in Manchester.

If you havnt been there, dont worry. Some people have, and they decided to write about it:


http://manchestermule.com/article/arts-review-desires-and-repulsion

We have officially been branded feminists. However the truth of the matter is we hate women.

No, in fact we hate everyone.

Thanks for all your support, keep it coming lovers!

P.s. (we dont hate you.)

P.p.s. (Ok... maybe just a little...)

P.p.p.s (Go on then, we hate your guts.)